I Talked About Penises & Masculinity

Here’s What Happened

Well, this has been a week. Turns out, if you write about penises and body image, the internet has thoughts. Usually about 150 folks will see a post, but as of Sunday, 4800 folks have read last week’s post with about 40 new subscribers! I’m thankful my discussion/thoughts about penises and body image resonated with so many people. To all those new folks here, welcome, and I hope you will stick around as I continue this Unscripted Journey.

It’s always interesting to see which topics will resonate. Overwhelmingly, there was primarily positive feedback. Of course, there were negative comments, which is to be expected. Most of the negative comments posted have been deleted since they were homophobic and transphobic (which will never be tolerated here). What’s interesting to me is all the negative comments came from men!

Not surprisingly, as soon as we talk about masculinity with any critical eye, dudes come out of the woodwork to chime in with something negative or hateful. In last week’s post, I alluded to how dudes are socialized to equate showing feelings as a sign of weakness, being feminine or gay. So, of course, one of the first negative comments was a perfect example illustrating this point—comments alluding to the fact that I’m not being a “real man”, for showing feelings. I couldn’t have scripted a better example to demonstrate my point about socialized homophobia.

Other comments fit the shameful narrative going on right now about how there are only two genders, and how could I think anything otherwise.

There was also one War and Peace-length post about how feminism is equal to hating men, that focusing on body image is making us weak, and what we dudes really need is to be more physical. The solution offered was that all we need is to get out in the woods and chop a tree down. That post is exactly why I write this blog—to push back against the ideas we’ve held on to about masculinity and what it should be.

It begs the question, why am I here writing? I started this Substack fairly recently, and it began with me sharing some of my thoughts about my work, some tips for folks struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, and to have a space to communicate with folks. Things are evolving over just a few months, staying true to the name “The Unscripted Journey”. I’ve learned recently that my observations matter, but what resonates most is my willingness to be vulnerable. And I’m leaning into that.

There is a famous quote in Jewish text that says, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” I’ve come to learn that this process of writing here is for me, sharing my thoughts and feelings about topics that relate to dudes, body image, eating disorders, and how those things intersect with our lives. “If I’m not for myself, who will be for me.” I have professional and personal experiences with these topics, so writing is not only sharing professional thoughts, but also noticing where my own healing continues to grow. Overwhelmingly, the response from last week’s post was gratitude for sharing thoughts on a topic that is not commonly discussed. Mission accomplished. We started some new conversations!

This journey is about being able to lean into uncomfortable conversations because we often avoid them, especially us dudes. AND, when we do share and find that space of discomfort, there are going to be some who show up and tell you, “You should not be doing this. You’re weak. You’re part of the problem. You’re gay.”

I think a much younger part of me would have been mortified with any negative comments, which would have sent me reeling. But much like the post earlier this year about pissing of the Tik Tok’ers, the negative comments are a sign that I’m going in the right direction. Dudes, if my posts are making you uncomfortable, good. Instead of getting angry or lashing out with some homophobic comments, do me one favor. Get curious about why you’re having that reaction. You might not do that, but if you did, you'd learn something about yourself..

So instead of the perfect follow-up post, I’m staying true to myself and writing about what is showing up for me. As I continue this journey, I promise to continue exploring these topics and hope all the new folks will stick around and find these posts helpful. Here are some things I want to continue to do:

• Continue to explore the intersection of masculinity, body image, and food

• Stay committed to body liberation

• Delete hateful, rude or inconsiderate comments on my posts

• Explore topics that make us uncomfortable

• Share both my professional but also personal experiences

Here are some topics that are coming soon to this Substack

• My thoughts on Make America Healthy Again and why it concerns me

• More discussions about GLP-1’s and how I see their impact in my work

• More thoughts on self-compassion

• How has the current narrative on masculinity impacted our political world

I hope you all will hang out for a while as I continue this journey. I hope they help you be curious about your journey, how body image, your relationship with food, and self-compassion impact you. Until next week, be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.