Seeing the Whole Board

Support instead of solutions

See the whole board (image created with AI)

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve written about noticing instead of fixing, and about how January makes shame feel louder and more urgent. Naming that can be relieving but also unsettling. Because once we stop reacting to shame, we’re often left without a clear sense of what to do next.

That’s usually when the fixing reflex comes back online. Not because we failed, but because uncertainty is hard to sit with, and when confronted with that discomfort, it’s easy to fall back into old habits.

This is the part that rarely gets talked about. When we stop letting shame run the show, we don’t immediately know what comes next. And that uncertainty can feel so uncomfortable that the fixing reflex comes rushing back. Do something. Decide something. Clean this up. Not because fixing ever really worked, but because not fixing can feel disorienting. This is usually where people assume they’re stuck or doing it wrong, when in reality they’ve just reached the place where support actually matters.

Fixing gives you momentum. It gives you direction. It tells you what to do next. Support does something different. Support helps you stay. It widens the lens instead of narrowing it. It gives you language when everything still feels blurry. It creates enough steadiness that you don’t have to turn every uncomfortable feeling into a problem to solve.

Most of us were taught that this kind of work is supposed to be done alone. Figure it out. Push through. Be disciplined. But shame thrives in isolation, and noticing without support can start to feel unbearable after a while. Not because you’re weak, but because humans aren’t meant to sit with uncertainty in a vacuum.

This is where I think about that moment in The West Wing when President Bartlet tells Sam Seaborn to “see the whole board.” He isn’t telling him to move faster or make a smarter play. He’s asking him to slow down, step back, and understand what’s actually happening before reacting. That’s what support does. It doesn’t rush you toward an answer. It helps you zoom out long enough to see what’s really going on.

If fixing isn’t the goal, maybe seeing the whole board is?

That’s one of the reasons I built Your Body Unscripted. Not as a solution to your discomfort, and not as a plan to follow, but as a place to land while you’re figuring things out. A place with structure, but not rigidity. Companionship, instead of pressure to get it right. A way to see the whole board and know you are not alone.

You don’t have to fix yourself this month. You don’t have to rush toward clarity or certainty. Sometimes the most meaningful work is simply not doing it alone.

This year isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about having better support while you figure out what’s next.

Where do you notice the fixing reflex show up when things feel unclear? What helps you pause and see the whole board? What supports you in this work?