Thank you Secretary Hegseth

When “warrior ethos” sounds less like leadership and more like body shaming in a uniform

Thank You, Mr. Secretary

A few weeks ago, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth gave a speech calling for the United States military to “restore the warrior ethos.” (Don’t waste your time watching it, I’ll explain all you need to now about it here.)

I want to take a moment to thank him.

Not sarcastically (well, maybe a little). But mostly sincerely. Because that speech was the best real-time example of why I do the work I do.

When I hear the military talk about toughness, readiness, and high standards, I get it. Those qualities can save lives on the battlefield. But at my last check, we aren’t at war with anyone. But I also hear how often that same language seeps into civilian life, shaping how men think about their worth, their bodies, and their emotions.

It’s the same voice whispering that we’re only as good as our last workout, or how many pullups we can do, or how much we can lift. That rest is weakness.

When Fitness Becomes a Moral Issue

In his speech, Hegseth criticized what he called the “softening” of the military and took aim at service members who don’t meet certain fitness standards. He implied that weight, body size, and discipline are all connected — that a “fit” soldier is automatically a more dedicated one, and a larger body signals failure.

If that logic sounds familiar, it’s because it’s everywhere.

It’s in our workplaces, our gyms, our locker rooms, and our Instagram feeds.

It’s the same cultural script that says thin equals worthy, that bodies are billboards for personal responsibility, and that if you just “tried harder,” you’d look the way you’re supposed to.

That message doesn’t build strength. It builds shame.

And shame is a terrible motivator. It doesn’t make people more disciplined — it just makes them smaller, quieter, and more disconnected from their bodies.

What the “Warrior Ethos” Really Teaches Us

In his speech, Hegseth talked about restoring discipline and meritocracy, about rebuilding physical readiness and accountability. On paper, that sounds reasonable. But underneath it is a deeper message that many men already know too well: you are only valuable if you can perform, and if you can’t perform, there’s no need for you.

That idea doesn’t just live in the military. It lives in the gym. It lives in our mirrors. It lives in the quiet moments when we measure our worth in muscle, control, or productivity. Production = success and if you are not successful, you’re not a man.

I work with men every day who have internalized that “ethos.” They’ve turned it inward, making their own bodies the battlefield. The mission becomes endless: be leaner, stronger, tougher. Never show weakness.

It’s not just about bodies, it’s about effectiveness, efficiency, being productive, succeeding in business and all of life’s endeavors.

And the casualties are everywhere—connection, joy, peace, rest.

A Different Kind of Warrior

I think there is something worth reclaiming in the phrase “warrior ethos,” but not the way it was used on that podium.

The real warrior knows how to fight sure, but what if a real warrior knows how to avoid the fight. How to diffuse volatile situations. He/she/they know that courage and compassion are not opposites. They can hold strength and softness in the same breath.

Being “battle-ready” can mean showing up for your family, admitting when you’re hurting, or learning to feed your body instead of punishing it. It can mean choosing connection over control.

Maybe restoring the warrior ethos should start with restoring our humanity.

What This Has to Do With You (and Me)

If you’ve ever caught yourself chasing that invisible standard of “enough”, in your body, your work, your relationships, you’ve felt the pull of that same ethos.

This isn’t just about the military or politics. It’s about how we, as men, are taught to survive. And survival is not the same as living.

So yes, Mr. Secretary, thank you for the reminder. Every time strength is defined so narrowly, it proves why we need to keep expanding the definition.

What’s Your Ethos?

This week, I’d love for you to think about your own version of “warrior ethos.”
Ask yourself:

• What am I fighting for?

• What kind of strength do I want to embody?

• Where might it be time to put the armor down?

If any of this resonates, share this post or hit reply and tell me what “strength” means to you. Let’s keep redefining it together.