The Pressure of a Free Day
The quiet pressure of “using the day well”
This feels a little personal, but also really common. The tension between discomfort, perfectionism, and the urge to fix things shows up for me just like it does for the people I work with.
It’s Sunday. I have no plans. And for some reason, that’s not as relaxing as it sounds.
In theory, this is exactly what I want. Especially after a busy week doing the kind of work I do, which can be emotionally taxing. A day with nothing on the calendar is supposed to feel like a relief. It’s 9am and I’m sitting here writing this, which is one of the few things I know I’m going to do today. Sure, I have some things to take care of. Chores, a trip to the market. There are games on, and there’s always something to watch on a weekend.
But I also know how this day can go. Three or four in the afternoon rolls around and I’m on the couch, another game on in the background, not really doing anything. Not really resting either. Just kind of there.
Los Angeles is huge. I could do anything. And somehow that’s part of the problem. The question of what to do starts to feel overwhelming. I can feel it in my body, this low-level anxiety about how the day is going to end. Did I use it well? Did I waste it? Should I have done more?
I notice how quickly my brain goes into productivity mode. Not work productivity, but something more vague and harder to define. Be productive as a person. Go experience something. Live your life. Don’t just sit here while the day passes. And somehow I can feel behind in a day that hasn’t even happened yet.
It’s funny, because I spend so much time talking with clients about not fixing. About sitting with feelings instead of immediately trying to solve them. And here I am wanting to fix my Sunday. Plan it out, optimize it, make it count. Carpe diem the hell out of it so I don’t end the day feeling like I missed something.
So today I’m thinking about what it would look like to not fix this. To stay somewhere in the middle. I need rest. I can’t schedule every hour of my life. My life is not Instagram, and I don’t need to have the perfect LA day. But I also don’t need to swing all the way to doing nothing and then beating myself up for it later.
Maybe it’s enough to just finish this post. Maybe it’s going for a drive or running an errand. Maybe it’s watching F1 and seeing what I feel like after that. Nothing groundbreaking, nothing optimized. Just something.
I think a lot of us are always looking for the big fix. The perfect plan. The fully dialed, color-coded version of how a day should go. But maybe the harder thing is just admitting that this kind of time is actually difficult to navigate. Maybe today is just noticing that. Not fixing it. Not doing it perfectly. Just noticing.
If you’re anything like me, I’m curious what your version of this looks like.
PS: I’ve also been thinking about what I’ll do with even more free time once my kids go to college. Right now, I keep coming back to getting into a flight simulator on a PS5. It feels very on brand for my nerdy brain. Complicated enough to keep me engaged, but something I can ease into. Honestly, maybe today is the day I go get one. Or maybe it’s not. We’ll see.
How did you get to be so wise?
Beautifully expressed, Aaron. Figuring out what to do with yourself after retirement and during empty nest is challenging but not insurmountable. But I know first hand it doesn't happen over night.