There are No Shortcuts

The Realities and Rewards of Body Image Work

I am generally a pretty hopeful person. The first tattoo I got has the word “Hope” in it. I’m good at finding a positive spin on most things. I also believe in being honest and transparent. So here it goes: When it comes to body image, feeling better in our body, body acceptance, or whatever we want to call it, it’s hard, takes time, and there are no shortcuts. For some, it’s the most challenging work they’ve ever done. For me, it’s been something I’ve been working on for years, and I will continue to work on it for the rest of my life.

Challenging Modern Art Jigsaw

When it comes to hard things, we love to simplify them. Diet culture has greatly influenced us in this way. It reinforces the idea that “Losing weight is easy. Just do XY&Z, and you’ll be smaller, and everything will be better.” I would assert that Diet culture affects all aspects of our lives, not just food and body. Here are some other examples of how we try to simplify hard things:

• “What are the 10 things I can do to get into a good college.”

• “Here’s the most important thing to know about parallel parking.”

• “Rocket Science for Dummies”

• “Must-do training to get you ready to run a marathon.”

I get it—simplifying something helps make a daunting task doable, and skill-building serves us in many ways. But I don’t think we can simplify body image work. Are there skills that will serve us as we do it? Yes. Does it make it happen sooner or faster? I’m not always sure. In our efforts to simplify our relationship with our body, we build a belief that if we apply ourselves with maximum effort, we’ll succeed. And when we don’t, we blame ourselves…and our inner critic flourishes.

Part of the reason this work is so hard is because there is a profound misconception about how body image work will help us. What if it’s not about loving your body or never having negative body image thoughts? I don’t know how many of us truly get to that space. I know I am not there, nor do I think I ever will be. I think the goal of this work is to be more kind to your body. Having a relationship with it where we stop blaming it or trying to fix it. It’s learning to trust that our body will show up for us, and we can show up for it.

I know you’re probably reading and saying, “Great, Aaron. So why would I ever want to do this work if it’s slow, hard, and takes so much effort?” I might not be doing an excellent job of selling you the idea of doing this work, but I will tell you that it will be some of the most rewarding things you’ll do.

I was recently talking with a client, and they shared how frustrating it was that the negative body image noise in their head was still there. As we talked more, they shared how the negative voice is still there, but it’s toned down. It’s at 30% now when it used to be 100%. What a massive shift. To have 70% less negative body image thoughts. Imagine what that frees us up to hold space for. Will it get to 0%? Probably not, but less chatter is a vast improvement.

One thing I’ve noticed as I work with folks, especially those who identify as fat, is that even with all the resources and activism, it’s still hard. We can have a fat community, resources to help us feel seen and safe in the world, and an understanding of how weight stigma has impacted us, and yet it will still be hard work. Even with these incredible supports, the truth remains: body image work is deeply personal, and it requires us to confront our individual relationships with our bodies.

All those resources are valuable. I don’t want to discount them; instead, I want to be transparent that there are no shortcuts to being more connected to our bodies. We all still need to do the work ourselves, which takes time.

This is why I keep coming back to self-compassion. I’ve written about it here:

This is the real-world application where self-compassion serves us. When we struggle (and we will struggle), what if we accept that being embodied is hard, and no matter how much we know or understand, it’s ok to feel the way we are feeling?

We can do hard things. It won’t happen quickly, but I know that if you pause to think about it, there are ways in which your relationship with your body has improved. It won’t be all unicorns and rainbows. But neither is life. Remember these things:

• Embrace your imperfections

• Practice self-compassion

• Strive for C-Level work

These are the tools that will serve you throughout this journey.