What If the Problem Isn’t Your Body, But the System?
Weight stigma, healthism, and how we show up for ourselves.
For so many of us, we’ve grown up believing our bodies are a problem—that we’re too big, too fat, too much—and that the only way to fix it is to shrink. For many, it becomes a lifelong pursuit. And for some, it’s one of the driving forces behind disordered eating or the development of an eating disorder.
But what if the real issue isn’t your body at all?
What if the problem is that we’re not talking about weight stigma?
Weight stigma impacts us, but it is rarely named directly. Weight stigma is the idea that thinner bodies are better, healthier, and more valuable. Whether we know it or not, most of us have absorbed this belief. It shows up in the doctor’s office, in clothing stores, in media, in family conversations, and even in our own thoughts. It’s the voice that says, “If I could just lose weight, things would be better.” And in a way, I agree with that. The smaller the body, the less weight stigma someone will experience. Less stigma equals an easier/safer life. But that’s not the full story.
But that’s not the full story.
Especially when you look at how rarely diets actually work
Diets Don’t Work. But Shame Sticks Around.
We’ve been sold the promise that with enough willpower, we can shrink ourselves into a better life. But here’s the reality: long-term weight loss is incredibly rare. Most people regain the weight within a few years—not because they’re doing something wrong, but because our bodies are wired to protect us from starvation.
Dieting doesn’t just mess with your metabolism—it increases stress, anxiety, and shame. And that shame? It sticks, long after the diet ends. We blame ourselves when we “fail,” instead of questioning the system that keeps setting us up to fail. That leads to layer upon layer of shame built up over a lifetime.
“Why can’t I succeed at losing weight? Everyone else seems to make it look so easy.”
The pressure to lose weight can be overwhelming—especially when the conversation shifts to health.
The Myth of Health = Worth
In our culture, health is often treated as a moral obligation. If we’re not constantly chasing it—or if our bodies don’t “look” healthy—we’re seen as lazy, unmotivated, or not trying hard enough.
That’s called healthism: the belief that health (often equated with thinness) is a personal responsibility. It ignores all the other factors that impact health—like stress, racism, access to care, trauma, income, and genetics—and reduces it all down to individual choices.
When we equate health with worth, fatness becomes something to fear. And that fear fuels discrimination, disordered eating, and deeply internalized shame.
Living With Weight Stigma Hurts
Weight stigma isn’t just about rude comments (though those happen too). It affects people’s jobs, relationships, and medical care. It leads to worse mental health outcomes. And it gets internalized—meaning people start to believe the cruel things said about them and turn that blame inward.
This isn’t just unfair.
It’s harmful. It’s trauma.
And it’s happening all the time—whether we see it or not.
It’s Not Just in the World—It’s in Us
Here’s the hard truth: most of us have picked up these messages, even if we wish we hadn’t.
Maybe you’ve judged someone else for their body size.
Maybe you’ve judged yourself.
You’re not a bad person for thinking those things. It’s what we’ve been taught our whole lives. But you deserve better than a life shaped by shame.
We all do.
That’s why unlearning weight stigma is part of healing. It’s how we start breaking free from diet culture.
So... What Now?
Begin by asking better questions:
What if your body isn’t the problem? What if weight stigma is?
What if your body size does not determine your worthiness as a person?
What if you went to the doctor and they never brought up your weight?
What if they make airplane seats more accommodating?
What if you stopped trying to “fix” your body and instead started treating it with kindness?
We don’t need more rules. We need more compassion. For others. And for ourselves.
A Reminder Before You Go
Unlearning weight stigma is hard. You won’t do it perfectly. No one does. But you can start where you are—with curiosity instead of judgment.
Notice the thoughts that come up.
Ask: Where did this belief come from?
Then, try choosing something different, even if it’s just for today.
And if that feels like rebellion?
Good. It should.
Because maybe the most radical thing you can do in a world that tells you to shrink…
is to take up space.
Thought provoking questions. What if? After a lifetime of weight stigma, it can be tough to even think a different way. Definitely worth investigating.