Resolutions Reimagined

How to approach your New Year's resolution with a different mindset

There are two things I can’t stand about this time of year: navigating the mall anytime between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and the relentless chatter about New Year’s resolutions. No matter how much I try to avoid them, both seem inevitable. At some point, I’ll find myself in a crowded mall, braving holiday traffic, doing deep breathing to stay calm. And without fail, at some point, I’m going to hear someone talk about their New Year’s resolution and all the changes they plan to make.

Every year, when I hear people make their resolutions, I roll my eyes because they’re always the same. We fall into the trap of believing that this year will finally be the one where it all comes together, the one when we get it all right. This is the year we fix it all!

When I think about New Year’s resolutions, I can’t help but think about diet culture—a billion-dollar industry that thrives on making us feel inadequate. This time of year is its Super Bowl, complete with slogans, ads, and promises of a “new you.” Companies selling weight loss programs, diet plans, injectables, and “wellness solutions” are banking on us spending more in January than any other time of year.

And why wouldn’t they? They’ve mastered the art of playing on our insecurities. At this time of year, diet culture joins forces with some of my least favorite “-isms”—perfectionism, capitalism, and healthism. Together, they form a three-headed monster, like a modern-day Cerberus, guarding the gates, so we stay trapped, unable to escape shame and self-doubt

It’s natural to reflect on the past year and look ahead with hope for the future. But how do we move from that healthy reflection to the often toxic mindset of resolutions rooted in shame? One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my Body Trust certification is that no change rooted in shame will ever be sustainable.

Shame as a Starting Point

Let’s unpack that a bit. Shame is a powerful emotion; for many of us, it’s familiar. If you’re like me and live in a larger body, you’ve been bombarded with messages of shame—overt and subtle—that your body is not okay. These messages come from everywhere: the media, strangers, even loved ones. They reinforce the idea that larger bodies are something to be “fixed” and never accepted or, god forbid, celebrated.

Over time, this creates deep-seated shame. When shame becomes too uncomfortable, we start looking for a way out. We think, "How can I change my body so I’ll feel better, be treated better, or finally be happy?” The desire to change is understandable.

What’s less obvious is how diet culture exploits that desire. It dangles promises of transformation in front of us: smaller bodies, greater acceptance, and a better life. Take the shot, have the surgery, drink the shake, eat less, move more. The options for change are endless, but they all have one thing in common—they’re rooted in shame.

The Cycle of "Failure"

For a while, the changes or resolutions might seem to “work.” (That word deserves a whole post of its own.) But eventually, the house of cards collapses. Not because we’re weak, unmotivated, or didn’t try hard enough—but because these changes were never designed to succeed long-term, no matter what they tell you.

And so, a few weeks or months into the new year, we find ourselves back where we started—feeling lost, hopeless, and like failures. This isn’t a unique story. For many years, it has happened to millions of us, including me. I remember the feeling of hope as the New Year started. “This year, I’ll get my shit together.” And without fail, by February, I was back where I was before the new year. Feeling like a failure…AGAIN and hopeless for a future that included being smaller. And the diet industry? They’re banking on this story happening over and over.

A Different Kind of Resolution

So what do we do instead? Should we give up on resolutions altogether? Not necessarily. But what if we reimagine them?

What if, instead of resolutions rooted in shame and unrealistic expectations, we made resolutions that embraced our humanity? What if we made resolutions more focused on curiosity, compassion, and empathy? What if we made resolutions that we expected to be making again next year? Because the issues might never be “fixed,” we might learn to handle them better.

Here are some ideas:

• I’m going to embrace C-level work. Perfection is overrated, and this year, I want to accept that I will not always get it right.

• I’m going to resolve to be kinder to myself. Especially on the hard days.

• I want to get more comfortable with being uncomfortable—and see what that discomfort has to teach me.

• I’m going to be more curious about what self-care looks like for me.

• I will focus on connection—with the people who matter most.

• I will work on being more vulnerable.

These resolutions aren’t flashy. They won’t go viral on social media. And they’re certainly not easy. But they’re worth it. They’re the kind of resolutions that shape us over time—the ones we return to year after year because they challenge us to grow.

The Year Ahead

The start of a new year is a natural time to reflect, but we cannot predict what the next 12 months will hold. Here’s what I do know:

There will be moments that bring us to tears—and moments that make us laugh until we can’t breathe. There will be times we want to hold onto forever and moments we’d rather forget. We’ll celebrate wins, mourn losses, and face challenges we never saw coming.

That’s life. It’s messy, unpredictable, and beautifully human. No one gets an easy ride. But how we support each other—and ourselves—through it all is what matters most.

So this year, I’m not resolving to change my body or “fix” myself. I’m resolving to show up, imperfections and all. Who's with me? Please feel free to share your non-shame-based resolutions in the comments.

PS - Resources

You don’t have to do this alone. If you are looking for some ways in which to help navigate this new year that are not shame-based tools, here some resources I and others offer.

• Men’s Body Trust Group - Starting January 14th. 8 Sessions meeting every other week. A great resource for dudes looking to build some community

• The Whole Package Body Image Coaching for Men- Let me help you navigate through this tricky time of year. We’ll explore how to build more kindness, curiosoty and compassion in your daily life.

• Eating Disorder / Disorder Eating Sessions - Work with me 1:1 to help break free form diet culture and build a stronger recovery.

• Reclaiming Body Trust - A book by the founders for the Center for Body Trust.

• Rethinking Wellness Substack by Christy Harrison

• The Alliance for Eating Disorders - Resources for finding providers, support groups and help line for folks experiencing eating disorders

This is a very brief list of options. There are more resources out there. Please share what resources have been helpful for you in the comments.